Unfinished

Because people tell us to run or relax we never quite find our own speed.

But I think, we should stop being the dogs chasing cars or being on a leash.

Because people tell us to finish things and hang in there we often feel frustrated.

But I think, we should leave some things unfinished. What happened to god old “The journey is its own reward?”

Because people tell us how amazing they are we often feel inferior.

But I think, we can stop that.

You already started a silent loud revolution

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I need pressure – will I fail?

That social influences shape every person’s practices, judgments and beliefs is a truism to which anyone will readily assent.

Solomon Asch, Opinions and Social Pressure, 1995

Pressure is something I need, I have to admit it. I’ve grown up in a society and scholar system where you weren’t rewarded for extra work that you do on your own. You need to fulfill certain aims instead: reading some chapters of a book, answering the right question or writing an essay until a set deadline. But I never imagined my “real life” to become like that – I always did extracurricular things which made me happy.

Now that I am getting closer to the end of my education – I will finish my degree by the end of the year – I have to start thinking about my future (scary stuff).

What can I do with my life? I have many things that I want to try, but most of them sound like naive fantasies of a six-year old. And the problem is: the kind of creative life that I imagine cannot be taught to me in books or lectures. How I can support myself from here on without my – luckily – generous parents still riddles me.

It’s like one of these timed tests on the internet. The pressure makes my brain race too fast – and that takes every rational thought away from me immediately. I know I can do it, but I need time and courage to finally break out of my childish cave of security and jump into my own, independent adventure. Because now that no one puts pressure on me, I am the one who has to force my way into the future.