“Of course it’s domestic violence – but it’s not our place to help”
I just heard a person I love very much say these lines. This came after following situation: I was walking home alone in the dark. (I could start a rant on how unfair it is that women cannot walk home without the fear of being raped and BC would say that women should go out and rape man and so on, but that’s not what I’m going to write about)
I heard some shouting of a woman and a man, apparently a couple. The man wouldn’t let her go away. So, me, trying to be a good person, wondered what to do. Call the police? Beat up the guy? Do anything?
My decision was the following: cowardly ask her if anything was okay. She said yes, he was almost walking towards me and also gave me a grumpy “She’s okay”. It didn’t sound believable from either side. The guy made me really scared, so I walked off.
I almost started crying and didn’t know what to do. I waited around the corner for a while and listened whether she would scream or anything. They stayed relatively calm and I went into the house. I then called a friend of mine to report what happened and ask for advice – maybe he could even come by to help me. But he said “I’ve seen them before, they walk holding hands the one day and fight the other. One day he hammered against her door, calling her a bitch.”
“But, that could be domestic violence then”, was my response. And instead of any sign of help he just said these lines which made me lose a lot of respect for him.
“Of course it’s domestic violence – but it’s not our place to help. She herself chose to be in that relationship. You women are so stupid, going for the wrong guys.”
The blood in my veins froze.
IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO HELP? IT IS HER OWN FAULT? WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SO MANY HELPLINES AND WOMEN WHO ARE MISTREATED?? YOU REALLY THINK IT’S THEIR OWN FAULT? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO JUDGE?
You are a person that I love, you loved the saying “Love me when I deserve it the least, that’s when I need it the most.” Did you even understand a bit of that? And what does the book you call FUCKING HOLY say about that?? Do NOT help your sister when she is in need? What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you claim to love people and then ignore something happening in front of you?
I wish there was someone who just doesn’t want to be popular and instead DOES things instead of JUST FUCKING SAYING them. And now I sit here, crying, writing about the chance I missed to actually help someone (I checked again, they are gone) and the respect I lost for my friend.
The least I want to do is that: IF any abused woman stumbles upon this article, please get help. Contact me via a comment, ask your family and friends or call professional helplines http://www.sandwellhomes.org.uk/Services/YourWelfare/DomesticAbuse.asp .
!YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!
and everyone else: